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Flying a kite

ladyboy cumShe sat on the end of the bed, cock in hand, and within a couple of minutes the room was filled with the pungent aroma of hot cum, that odd mixture of fresh coconut juice and household cleaner.

I watched as she sat there gasping. She had splattered up under her chin, all the way down her front and into her tummy button, there was a long trail over her left hip, her pubic hair was glistening, and the sheet had little wet patches extending outwards for a couple of feet.

Well, that was pretty impressive, I said. But you don’t normally do that well. What have you been up to?

“I not take hormones long time,” she said. “Before, cock not strong. Only cum little bit. Very difficult too, sometimes not cum at all. Customer at bar not interested me. Friend tell me stop take hormones. So I stop and about one month after I feel very strong again. Now have many customer, many come back take me again.”

Clearly her friend had given wise counsel. I have known my ladyboy friend for a long time, ever since she was a shy 18-year-old, creeping into my bed and laying with her dick in the air, putting her hands across her face in sheer embarrassment. It had not been a big one in those days, and I took it now in my hand, feeling the strength in it, the weight, the fast response of a cock in its prime.

It was never this big before, I said. You must have done something to make it bigger.

She giggled. “I exercise! Chuk wow every day!”

Chuk wow is slang for wank and it translates as “fly a kite”. Thai slang can be very colourful.

I really don’t know if repeated masturbation when you are in your teens causes your dick to grow bigger. If it did I would need to have special trousers with three legs. But the size of my friend here had certainly increased noticeably.

I was very pleased she was off the hormones. They do not suit all ladyboys. It had been about six months since I saw her last, and I had straight away seen that she had a glow about her, a little more confidence in the way she carried herself. That, I think, was down to the resumption of normal bodily functions. No matter how feminine a ladyboy may feel, there is the undeniable fact that she is biologically male and that having a fully working cock is part of the male package.

I have seen what hormones can do over the years. They can produce a very feminine ladyboy, able to pass anywhere as female, and good luck to those lucky ones. But on others, the effect, even taking out the dick factor, is not so good. Sometimes you find a kind of over-egged effect, in which too much fat builds up in the face and body, resulting in a lack of tone. Sometimes you find mental instability, as the hormones and nature clash. It seems to be a kind of lottery.ladyboy cum

There is the undeniable fact, however, that for a man going with a ladyboy, the ideal is a feminine person with a strong cock. To my mind, femininity (in ladyboy terms) comes down to good makeup and grooming, polite manners, soft speaking voice, and decent clothing. Once you have these qualities, and add in the final alchemy of making the male aura disappear, then you have your ladyboy.

I am of course speaking in entirely selfish terms, because generally speaking, this only holds good for the young ones. Someone intent on entering the female mainstream might consider selling herself to be only a short-term way of earning enough money to become independent and to open up a small business; the dream of many ladyboys. She might think hormones are essential for her objective, and hope that by the time the hormones have done their deadly work on her dick, she will be home and dry in terms of savings.

Making face

femboys“What you think?” asked my ladyboy friend, hand on hip and turning her profile towards me. She had had a chin augmentation job done. Actually, it wasn’t bad. She looked fine. But many ladyboys who opt for cosmetic surgery make a sad mess of themselves. And some of the older ones look grotesque, because they fill their faces full of plastic when they are younger, and they don’t know when to stop. As they get older, parts of their face change: other parts don’t. Bangkok is renowned as one of the world centres for cosmetic surgery, and there are some fine surgeons here who will do a good job at a rate far below those charged in the West. But there are also a lot of slash-for-cash merchants about, and their rates are even lower, thus attracting the kind of clientele that has high hopes but not too much in the way of money.

Not that long ago a young ladyboy friend of mine who had a sweet and perfectly symmetrical face went for a chin job. Heaven knows why she did it: it wasn’t needed. She came out looking like Desperate Dan. It did nothing for her at all. Even worse was the ladyboy I knew some while back who had a chin job done that left her with a square chin that jutted down from her face in the shape of a short beard. And the one who wanted to make her face heart-shaped, and had a pointed chin added that was so badly done you could see where it joined up with her face.

Everyone wants a nose job, whether they need one or not. The people of Issan, who probably produce the greatest number of ladyboys, are rather self-concious about the ethnic characteristic of the squidgy little nose. There is very little bone or cartilage in the Issan nose, which tends to be flat. Women and ladyboys alike have nose jobs done, and it forms one of the staples of the cosmetic business. The routine surgery involves squeezing an off-the-shelf pre-formed plastic bridge up a nostril, with the result that a lot of Issan people are walking around with the same nose, so to speak.

So I see a lot of ladyboys who have had this operation done. Others who want a custom-built job will pay more money, of course, but some of the results I have seen have been frankly a disaster. Yo, who appears a few times on the main site, had the sweetest little feminine face. Then she had a nose job and a chin job that, in profile, made her look like Mr Punch.

Some ladyboys are simply never happy with their appearance. Anny, an early model, went through six noses. Somewhat alarmingly, she had one of them damaged in a minor accident just before she and I were about to leave for Pattaya. It had simply been a slight knock when she was larking about with a friend, but the transplant was dislodged and over the next 24 hours became very painful. We cut our visit short, and hurried back to Bangkok so that she could visit the clinic. I think that had been nose number five.

Another ladyboy friend, whose big eyes and clearly defined eyebrows gave her real beauty, managed to make a mess of herself by having cheekbone augmentation, which distorted the shape of her eyes. Just to finish the job off, she plucked her eyebrows. She just did not understand that she could have enhanced what she had, rather than change everything.
I won’t even get onto the subject of boobs, except to say that I have seen (and felt) some that are so hard that they stand out like water melons, and others where the sacs have been inserted so badly that the nipples point in different directions. I am still haunted by the memory of a ladyboy friend who turned up one day with only one breast. The other had started leaking, and the doctor had whipped it out. This was a ladyboy for whom I really had the hots, but on that afternoon I was struck impotent.

I could go on…the craze a few years back for vampire teeth…the startlingly blue contact lenses that occasionally confront me…lip collagen jobs that create a trout-like effect…adam’s apple reductions that leave the voice a hoarse whisper…it is all very unsexy.

Latin lovers

ladyboy pattaya
My old friend Jodahunta was recounting some of his experiences in the bordellos of South America, where he says the number of those specialising in transsexuals is increasing. I asked him if he would be kind enough to pen a few words for the blog, and this he has done, with relish. Here is his account.

One “burdel”, many “burdeles” (Spanish) = bordel (French), or in English: brothel, whorehouse, cathouse, knocking-shop and endless other terms. They’ve been around for a long time, as you would expect for an essential aspect of the world’s oldest profession. Wikipedia says that they were recorded in Sumeria (wherever that was) 4000 years BC! Most countries have them in one form or another, legal or illegal. In Europe they are legal and regulated in Holland and Germany. Paris had some internationally famous ones. They were called “maisons de tolérance” or “maisons closes” (because the shutters were always closed) but France banned them just after the war for collaborating with the Germans (and getting rich in the process!)

Spain tolerates them. In the UK they are known as massage parlours. They are also legal and regulated in Australia where in Perth a certain Mrs Kenworthy, a distant relative of my late Scottish stepfather, operates one of the largest. Nothing dour about tha wee lassie …

In the US they are illegal except in Nevada, but only in towns with a small population. So none operate legally in Las Vegas…but I still found one! But NOWHERE in the world do they proliferate like in Latin America!!

From towns along the US-Mexican border like Tijuana, Juarez and Nuevo Laredo all the way down to Ushuaia at the tip of Tierra del Fuego there are burdeles in every city, town and even a good many villages!

In Central and South America it is just commonly accepted that a guy can drop into a burdel either alone or with his buddies, at lunchtime, after work or in the evening, have a drink and a fuck or a blowjob, and then go back to work or go home to dinner with wifey and kids, or whatever.

Back in 1993 I met an Argentine Assistant Attorney General in a burdel in Buenos Aires. At the time I was only just starting to learn Spanish but he spoke perfect English. We had drinks, discussed and resolved the world’s problems, partied with some girls and exchanged business cards. We stayed in touch for several years until he retired and I lost track of him.

Burdeles take many forms. The classic version is a saloon or bar where you can sit and have a drink, meet and chat with the girls, and then head off to a room in the back or upstairs and do your thing. Often these are very easy to find in designated areas of cities (ie nightclub/entertainment areas) or on the outskirts of town where at night you just look for the house with all the red lights.

In business and residential areas of cities and in suburbs they tend to be much more discreet, usually operating in apartments or suburban houses. You find them via print ads such as the classified section of newspapers or on the internet. They vary greatly in terms of quality, prices and services. At the high end you are invited into the salon area, offered a drink, meet and chat with the ladies, and can choose from a variety of theme rooms with amenities such as Jacuzzis. Once you have decided what you want to do where and with whom you have a discreet chat with the person in charge, pay your money and off you go. At the low end you are ushered straight into a small bedroom, the ladies are paraded in one by one, you choose the one you want and the time, usually 30 minutes or an hour, then you pay, play and leave.

But what is really special about Latin America is that you can now find “burdeles con traviesas”, or TS bordels. In some you will find both ggirls and tgirls, whereas others are 100 percent transsexual. They are by no means everywhere but you will find them in most major cities like Buenos Aires, Sao Paulo, Rio, Caracas, and Bogota. Also in the towns along the US-Mexican border.

Buenos Aires has been one of my favourite playgrounds for nearly 20 years and I found my first TS burdel there in 2002 through the classifieds section in one of Argentina’s leading national dailies. It is still operating and I am now a VIP customer and have my preferred room with a whirlpool bath. I was there just 10 days ago and spent a very pleasant couple of hours with a slim young blonde TS for the princely sum of US$50 + a US$10 tip to the girl.

But there are at least a dozen others I know about, some I have already visited and some still to be tested. And from time to time one will close down and another will open in some other place. Some are open 24/7 with girls working eight-hour shifts. Others open late morning and close around midnight. Usually these places have anywhere from two to six tgirls working at any time and quality and prices vary greatly.

Once you locate the burdel you want to visit from the print ads or the internet you call up and let them know you are coming over and give them your first name. If you have seen someone on a webpage who gets your dick twitching you can find out when she will be there and sometimes make an appointment to meet her at a specific time. Then when you get to the building entrance you call on the interphone and let them know you are there. Normally someone will come down and let you in once they have verified that you don’t look like something out of a Frankenstein movie.

You will then be taken to a room, sometimes offered a drink, then introduced to the ladies present and told about services, times, prices etc. There is no real “obligation to buy”. Not that often, but on one or two occasions, I have just politely said no thanks and left. If you reserved a particular girl you will usually be taken straight to the room where she is waiting for you.ladyboy pattaya

In nearly all cases I have found these places are friendly and with a relaxed atmosphere. If you reserved a girl from her photo on the net but in reality it was somewhat over-Photoshopped and your libido suddenly takes a dive they will try their best to accommodate you with one of the others. And in those places I frequent more regularly I have never felt uncomfortable about having things stolen. But then again I have been to one or two where I had doubts about how often the sheets go the laundry but that’s the same the whole world over.
I have been to places where you get offered a 15-20 minute blowjob for US$10 but might hesitate putting your dick in the mouths of some of the ladies present, and others where you can spend US$75 + a tip for an hour of pleasure in a room with a Jacuzzi with a real stunner who has her own webpage. OK, that’s a lot more than you will pay in Thailand but still a fraction of what you would have to shell out in Europe or in the US for a visit to a tgirl who will probably try to hustle you out in less than half the time!

The average age of the tgirls I have encountered in these burdeles ranges from around 20 to 30. Thankfully I have never been offered anyone obviously under-age. Although there are some streets in Bs As where young tgirls of around 17-18 can sometimes be seen, I imagine the burdeles don’t want to take any risks in this respect. Most of the tgirls themselves come from the northern (and poorer) areas of Argentina or from Brazil or Uruguay and are ethnically usually of either European or mixed European-Indian (as in South American Indian) origin. Sometimes beautiful “mulatas” from Brazil, Colombia or the Dominican Republic can be found too.

And in case you wondered, all the oral stuff is usually “without” but safe-sex is the norm where anal is concerned, with lube and condoms always provided.

He’s at it again (Part I)

ladyboy pattaya
Here as promised are the latest adventures of Sargent Shameless, emailed to me from some semen-soaked hotel room in Pattaya. I post this two-part account as a warning about the depths of depravity to which it is possible to sink.

Could it be that my ladyboy indiscretions are possibly wrecking the marriages of people I have never met and who don’t even know who I am?

Your Sargent Shameless was asking himself this question as he laid on a beach chair in Koh Larn, a small island with sandy beaches a few miles offshore from Pattaya, while his ladyboy companion sensuously rubbed sun cream all over the Sargent’s wicked body.
Since I never use real names, let’s call this serviceable ladyboy “Fire” because she is hot as hell. You see, Fire is the kind of knock-out babe who can stop a beach every time she moves. In her tiny thong bikini, 5 foot 10 inches tall with stick-out, but not exaggerated, breast implants, she is not shy about showcasing all that gorgeousness and walks and giggles and gesticulates in exaggerated girly ways for all to see and gawk. Add this to the Sargent’s own penchant for showing off and you have a sinful spectacle that ordinary beachgoers will never forget.
To go to Koh Larn, one takes a boat from the pier in South Pattaya and it is an hour’s ride, which means that something of a shared experience happens between all the boat’s passengers. Everybody notices everybody else: the young couples on honeymoon or with small children, the elderly couples seeking to rekindle the fire, the European spinsters, the aging farangs with their considerably younger Thai GG girlfriends, the Japs, the Koreans, the Arabs, the accidental Thais, etc…. But there is only one wild tall guy holding hands with an equally wild tall ladyboy, taking pictures of her long hair flowing in the sea breeze, and even making out on the deck with long sloppy kisses for all to see… That guy would SHAMELESSly be me!

I can’t help it but relish how when I am with one or more ladyboys, other Western men in Thailand look at me with baffled curiosity, disgust, or admiration (I can never tell which) but they look!..and their aging wives look also but with scared contempt as they know that there-but-for-the-grace-of-God could go their husbands.
When the Pattaya boat arrives at Koh Larn it stops off the beach and everyone gets into a smaller flat boat and stays at this small secluded beach, which means the group dynamics with the fellow passengers continue until the boat takes everyone back a few hours later. In our group that day there was this young Russian couple, and I swear the lady looked just like Anna Kournikova the hottie former tennis player. Blue eyes, beautiful straight blonde hair, pouting rose lips, long perfectly toned legs, perky breasts, a tight butt to die for, every inch of her body impeccably groomed. In brief, the kind of girl that I would have cut an arm off to be with when I was in my 20s.ladyboy pattaya

Yet my ladyboy Fire was stealing all the attention that normally the Anna Kournikova look-a-like would have come to expect semi-naked on a beach, including from her young Russian husband who could not keep his eyes off Fire. He even followed us into the water and possibly witnessed as I floated with arms and legs clutching a huge inflatable tyre and Fire dove in and came out between my legs and discreetly sucked on my cock for a minute or two. (The Captain says: Shame on you Shameless! I hope you were far enough out at sea for the innocent onshore not to see you!)

Later, back on the sand, the Russian guy kept looking at Fire and I noticed that at some point he was adjusting an erection in his speedos. His newlywed wife must have noticed something also, because on the boat back to Pattaya they were clearly having a lovers’ tiff. I could not help but get the feeling that I might have indirectly undermined their marriage by planting the seed of ladyboy lusting in an otherwise straight-shooting young lad. And also that I probably do such marital undermining everyday that I party for-all-to-see with ladyboys and some of the men watching me from afar wish they had the guts or a chance to experiment or start to wonder about it.
Because, at that moment on that boat, I knew for sure that the next time the Russian guy would make love to that gorgeous wife of his he would be fantasising he was fucking my ladyboy Fire. .. and that in no more than 10 years time he would be back in Pattaya to fulfill his fantasy with a ladyboy of his own.

Shameless in Pattaya

ladyboy bars

Sargent Shameless has recently unleashed himself upon Pattaya, and left a trail of sore ladyboy bottoms in his wake. Pausing for breath on his return, he penned me his thoughts on the scene there.

A couple of months ago I wrote about the changing go-go bar scene in Bangkok and my main point was that while the numbers and quality of women in the girlie bars are visibly declining from 10 years ago, the opposite holds truth for ladyboys, who are more plentiful and beautiful than ever and may well be the future of the Thai sex industry.

I would now like to share also my updated view on the Pattaya scene. I was there end-2010 and, like in Bangkok, there are more ladyboys than ever. I counted at least 12 all-ladyboy bars (Soi 6 alone has five!) while 10 years ago I knew of only two: Hi! Boss, which I considered Thailand’s top ladyboy bar in terms of raw talent, is now all but defunct with three sorry looking ladyboys hanging around the premises…and Limmatquai–Pattaya’s original all-ladyboy bar off Walking street–which has closed down!

Speaking of Walking Street, it could now aptly be renamed “Ladyboy Street.” Late one night, I counted over 50 ladyboys of all shapes and sizes, including a skinny Russian one that I detected amidst his lady-for-sale compatriots, and scores of cruising freelancing ladyboys can also be seen on Beach Road (the Captain says: The Sargent may be an old hand but you can’t be too careful with street pickups who may rob you in your sleep or worse…).

Also, so many of the beer bars now have several ladyboys mixed in with their lady staff. These ladyboys tend to be the sweeter type, who are afraid to be around rough ladyboys in all-ladyboy environments even if it means far less revenue for them. I have had great luck with such ladyboys.

I also saw a few ladyboys amidst the female staff plying their trade outside Pattaya’s ubiquitous massage parlours. Which means that you no longer have to be in the know (like me!) to know where to get a professional massage (with optional sex) performed by a ladyboy.

Even in nearby Jomtien, better known for the gay action, I spotted far more ladyboys, not to mention feminised boys, than I remembered from previous visits.

In line with this expanding ladyboy trend, Pattaya also has more boy go-go bars, and other sorts of venues for gay activity, than ever. While 10 years ago Boyz Town was a self-contained gay enclave, the action now has spread to the two nearby Pattayaland sois, displacing all but a couple of the girlie bars in the process. In fact, the infamous Penthouse Hotel is now completely surrounded by gay action and it has opened its own ladyboy go-go bar; it should not be long before the in-house kittens are all of the three-legged variety. There is even a new gay go-go bar on Walking Street with the boys hanging outside in their white underwear for the Russian tourists to gawk…ladyboy bars

What about the girl scene? Good question! There are still more girlie bars and beer joints than anyone could even begin to count. I noticed however that some of the girl bars that I patronised 10 years ago because of the choice and quality of their staff have gone downhill, or even closed. On the other hand, I visited new bars with gorgeous girls dancing, although not all were available for private sessions (a new for Thailand!). New, huge outdoor beer plazas have opened all over town, which makes me wonder if others have closed and the ladies moved or if they represent a net addition to Pattaya’s pussy count. Motorbiking around Pattaya I also spot many well staffed bars and go-gos in the inner, residential sois that used not to offer such sinful commerce.

In sum: Pattaya, unlike Bangkok, does not show signs of worsening prospects for action with girls, and, like Bangkok, it has more and sexier ladyboys than ever.