the third sex

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Regular readers of these pages will know about Sergeant Shameless, an incorrigible pervert whose adventures make even me blush. After a few months of silence (and I really don’t want to know what he has been doing) he has just surfaced to provide me with the following list:

The Top 10 signs you are hopelessly hooked on ladyboys

10 You start going to Thailand alone rather than with your girl-loving buddies you used to go there with
9 You start fantasising about Nicole Kidman having a penis

8 You find yourself eating bananas in one single bite
7 You start salivating at the mention of the words “pina colada”
6 You learn all there is to learn about enemas and their application
5 Your friends start saying you remind them of John Wayne when you walk
4 You walk past the girlie bars of Bangkok or Pattaya and the door girls no longer bother to entice you into the bar
3 Your girlfriend demands that you fuck her pussy at least once for every two times that you fuck her ass
2 Your girlfriend demands that you fuck her pussy at least once for every 10 times that she fucks your ass
1 You religiously renew your Captain-Outrageous membership

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I was talking to a gay friend, an English guy, the other day. He is writing a novel that draws on his experiences in Bangkok, and he was asking me about ladyboys.

“You see,” he said. “I’ve never been with a ladyboy. What’s it like?”

For a moment, he had me stumped. I long ago became used to explaining to straight people how it is to be with a ladyboy, the same as with a genetic girl but with something extra and so on, but I had never really thought about explaining it to a gay man who had no interest in women.

The fact is, that most of the gay people I know in Thailand (and there is a very large community of expat gays here) are not in the slightest bit interested in ladyboys. “Neither here nor there,” snorted one friend.

Gays are interested in people of their own sex because they are aroused by people of their own sex. As we have said so often on this page, ladyboys may be biologically male, but they are the third sex. They aspire to be women, or most of them do. Consequently, for the majority of gays they are of little interest.

My friend was insistent on knowing about ladyboys because he wanted to put a ladyboy character into his novel and he wanted to get it right. I told him there was only one way to find out, and that was to take himself off to a ladyboy bar and find some companionship.

He heaved a heavy sigh, as if I had just suggested he go to a girlie go-go bar and find himself a pole-dancer.

“I thought I would have to do that,” he grumbled. But instead he prowled off to a little bar he likes going to near Patpong, where they have muscular young policeman-type men and bodybuilders, and where the guys are renowned for the size and strength of their dicks. That was much more to his liking. I don’t know if he ever made it to ladyboyland, as I haven’t seen him since.

It’s a funny old world.

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.I was doing a photoshoot of a ladyboy the other day and I could see she was wearing a long wig, but didn’t think much about it. She looked pretty good.

When I had finished, she went and sat in the lounge while I took some photos of her friend. After a while, I came out to see a young man sitting on the sofa. For a moment, the cropped hair and shorts threw me completely. But it was only the fact that my model had taken off her wig, and put her long dress into a bag and was back in civvy street.

She still looked something of a cross between boy and girl, as she was effeminate. But the appearance was undeniably male.

The smoke and mirrors that go into creating the illusion of a ladyboy are an art. Not all ladyboys can do it successfully. Some can flit between the two sexes with ease. Others are totally female except for one single attribute. The spectrum is a very wide one.

Learning female mannerisms is part of the art. I remember once watching a ladyboy who was learning how to sweep the floor the way a girl would do it, rather than a male. Little footsteps, knees together, a small whisking motion with the broom, even the correct facial expression – the differences are small, but also large in their total effect.

Some (many!) of course go too far in their striving for femininity. A few weeks ago I sat at one of the open-air bars on Patpong 2 and watched a tall ladyboy sashay her way down the strip. She was wearing a black cocktail dress and had long hair, and she vamped it the whole way, in the manner Eartha Kitt might have made a stage entrance. It took her ages to wiggle her way to the end of the street, where she turned right and headed for King’s Corner. So astonishing was her performance that all the GGs from the little beer bars came out and stood in the road, watching open-mouthed.

Of course, a real girl would never have walked down the street like that. But whatever…who’s talking about reality…

Then, of course, there is the matter of using the bathroom. Standing up or sitting down? A ladyboy making a serious attempt will demurely sit. Others, especially if no one is watching, might not make the effort. I remember watching ladyboy Dew taking a pee once. She was standing up. Why don’t you sit down, I asked.

“I can’t be bothered,” she replied.

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Those of you who have been following my photosets for some time know that I like to finish with the ladyboy model spurting cum over herself, something that I personally find intensely exciting to watch and judging by the emails I get, so do many others.

Now, you may feel that a ladyboy ejaculating to order is a simple enough business. I demur. Believe me, I demur.

First of all, let’s take the obvious point that many ladyboys take female hormones. Over time, these have a beautifying effect, making skin smoother and glossier, pumping up bosoms and bottoms, and making the figure softer and more feminine.

But the hormones also have a deadly effect on the dick, making it slower to rise to the occasion and shoot a load. Semen, when it comes from a young ladyboy with no or minimal hormone intake, is a very fine sight: hot, white and plentiful. It also tastes delicious, having a creamy, nutty, salty, slightly acrid flavour that slips down a treat.

As the hormones exert their pull, not only does the quantity ease up but the whiteness begins to disappear. Instead, there is a colourless liquid that looks and tastes somewhat like the white of a raw egg. It is better than nothing, but not very exciting.

Eventually, after several years of solid hormone taking, the semen will cease to be there, and the ladyboy’s penis will have shrivelled to such a degree that she is scarcely aware of it. At this stage, it is not surprising that so many ladyboys have a sex-change operation. Not only have they become so female that they believe the penis to be an abnormality, they no longer have a use for it.

But back to a conventional set-up, with a ladyboy still raring to go.

Most of the models I photograph I am meeting for the first time. Most of them are nervous, not having met me before, and aware that a camera can strip away their artiface and reveal whatever imperfections they have, or think they have. A photoshoot lasts less than an hour. I usually work in the afternoon, and the weather is hot. The big studio lights I use tend to take away any feeling of intimacy.

She lays on her back, or sits in a chair, pulling away with someone standing over her with a camera. Well, how would you feel?

A bit of encouragement is often needed, and I am happy to help out. Usually, as most of my models are young and not too far gone with the hormones, we get there. A hot spurt is immensely satisfying, not just for the ladyboy, but for me also: and spare a thought for poor old me, hunched over the model with my camera, waiting to try and catch the elusive moment when she lets fly. Believe me, semen shoots fast: even when I take a video and play back the moment of orgasm, one flicker and it is gone.

Afterwards of course, if the result is plentiful, it is a pleasure to linger over the whole sticky mess, and to photograph the penis slowly returning to normal size.

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Many ladyboys understand the fact that a lot of men like their women to act slutty, and they build up a persona of the teenage slut that would be hard for anyone to resist.

I well remember a young ladyboy friend who used to dress in a tennis skirt and trainers with white socks, and who had a knock-knee stance that brought me out in a hot flush. She was small and super-cute, and to tease me she would flip up her tiny skirt and display her beknickered little bottom, slowly pulling down her panties halfway before springing away from my grasp, giggling. The little minx.

I also find that dressing suitable ladyboys as schoolgirls brings out the tease in them, and that suddenly they start to speak in a lisping little-girl manner, give me shy little under-the-eyelash glances, and sit in a sprawling manner so that their panties can be clearly seen. When the uniforms come off, the white socks stay on, and the necktie too, if they are wearing one. Somehow they know instinctively that this is fantastically arousing.

I remember a genetic girl asking me once, what did I find so exciting about ladyboys. I told her that ladyboys know how everything works, that they understand what is a turn-on, and how to fulfil fantasies. My GG friend couldn’t really understand too well what I was saying. To her, being a girl was enough. Surely, all that men wanted was simply to have sex? Not so, I said. There is an enormous need for fantasy as well. If your fantasy is to be with a gorgeous little schoolgirl who acts in the most slutty way before revealing herself to be a boy, then so be it. It takes all sorts.

I also tried to explain the forbidden fruit aspect. Many young GGs know instinctively how to tease, but it stops there. You don’t get to have actual sex with them. But with a ladyboy, you know that along with the teasing, sex will certainly follow. Ladyboys don’t refuse sex. They still have the sex-drive of a male, and will be as excited as you at the thought of what is about to happen. Plus, they will be enthralled to see how you are falling for their feminine charms and their come-hither act.

I remember once taking photographs in a riverside park in Bangkok. My ladyboy model, Cherie, was very young and innocent looking. She jumped down next to the water, just out of sight of the people in the park, and promptly yanked her jeans down so that I had an eyeful of her pert, pale little bottom. Then she went into giggles as I gave an involuntary impression of a landed fish, eyes bulging and mouth opening and closing soundlessly.

On another occasion with another ladyboy, during one hot afternoon when she had stopped by and found my maid was still in the apartment working, she asked if she could take a shower. I sat working at my computer, while she showered and then emerged dressed only in a towel. I watched her, hot with desire, as she sauntered past and went into the kitchen. My maid was out on the balcony, watering the plants. My ladyboy friend gave me a sultry look, turned her back on me, dropped her towel, and then with both hands gently parted the cheeks of her bottom, laughing as I almost went into meltdown at my keyboard. Just in time, she grabbed the towel as my maid entered the room with her watering can.

Yes, of course, GGs do all this and more. But ladyboys sometimes do it better.